he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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