Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
