he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
