your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize