If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Randomize
