yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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