direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
