Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
