i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
