And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
