I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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