There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
