remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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