I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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