I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
