That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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