you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize