We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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