My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
