the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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