Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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