u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
