It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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