I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
