Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Do you still have your period?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
