Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
