I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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