So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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