Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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