just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize