Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm both gender and math confused
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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