She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
