i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
