in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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