Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
