you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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