It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
