You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
