He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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