What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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