if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize