I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
