Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
