So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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