I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
