I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
