Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
