I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
