My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize