im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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