oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
4 words: hood of his car
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
