my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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