i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
