Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
