did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i drank out of a bidet.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
