My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
