i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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