hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
