it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize