I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
