My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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