Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
