You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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