all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
