got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
