you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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