she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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