your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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