You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize