Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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