i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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