I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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