I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
