Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
