dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
