i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
