i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
