"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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