remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
