I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
