I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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