It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Of course I have a pirate flag
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
