Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
