I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
