Pants 0. Shit 1.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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