I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
