Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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