He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
