great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
