He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
