i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
