Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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