Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There r osticjed everywhere
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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