if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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