Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
