Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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