Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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