How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Blood and glitter go together right?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize