dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
