it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
