Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
