we're chasing vodka with high fives
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
