I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
