I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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