At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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