she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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