take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
