so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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