I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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