is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
