It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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